Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Pain Reliever

I thought I was immune to pain, having been nailed with it since childhood, from the time I started schooling until the time I begun to unravel the purpose of my existence. I had been through such so many pains in life that I have learned to deal with them as friend and as inspiration to go on. Pain is not new to me, it has actually kept me company for so many times, helping me to find a bastion of strength deep within my soul when everyone has left me hanging wounded in the middle of no where. If the life I am living is long enough to make a list of things to thank, surely, pain would make to the top of the list to be acknowledged.

I thought I was immune to pain, I was wrong because now it hurts more than ever. How could I be so vulnerable this time when all my life I have resigned myself to feeling pain and dwelling on its agony. I thought I have gotten used to it and little frustrations would bear no more drama. I have withstood the curse of loneliness for the longest time until I have turned them to preference. I have cried a river in many occasions until I have learned to swim amidst endless despair. I have faced so many indignation until I have learned to shield my heart my others' hurtful opinions. I have been financially challenged most of the time but I have learned how to pick up the pieces every time I get broke. I have been sidelined and driven away to anonymity until I have come to enjoy and find peace in solace. I have carried tons of responsibilities, fallen deep and injured until finally I have found a way to build my block one brick at a time. I have lived and breathed pain. I have never thought that it would ever strikes back.

I thought I was immune to pain, I was holding my breath with second thought. Where is it coming? Almost everyone and everything have caused me pain and I have always survived. Could it be that right now I am still in denial that this is happening to me? That I could have really missed. That I could have really be so down. ACCEPTANCE, probably is the reason why I am going through this pain. Until now, I just couldn't believe that I am at a point that I have almost lost everything. That after believing that I have learned enough lessons, after the mastery of pain, after all the education and the career experiences, after all the enriching past, I have amounted myself to a tangled web of boundless predicament.

After 27 days in Kish, I realized that I couldn't resist the truth anymore. I just have to ACCEPT it so I can MOVE ON. The wall that hinders the wounds to heal is deep within me and unless I break that wall, the pain will linger, on and on. It's pretty much the same when someone you loved broke your heart. Initially the pain would be inconsolable. But unless you accept the fact that something are not really meant to happen, the pain will never cease to cause you suffering and misery. LET GO AND LET LIVE. If he left you because he just found his true love, he was just being true to himself. No matter how excruciating it is, you have to accept it and move on. You cannot live your life in the shadow of someone else's happiness. The truth shall set us free.

Now, with open heart and extended arms, I ahve accepted my fate. I am happny to be where I am. I should consider myself lucky. Not everybody is given the chance to be in this place - to learn new things and be able to share old. There is no need to forgive. Things are destined to happen because someone up there knows just exactly how to make people better. Now, isn't that worth a smile? :-)


  1. Medyo positive ka na ngayon, ah. That's good.

    Good luck at God bless... Chico.

  2. at some point when pain becomes a constant experience in our lives, sometimes we would feel something is different. not normal. then suddenly we'll realize, we're happy.

  3. Yes, salamat naman at still you are aknowledging things that you have. Yun lang ang ipmportante sa tao, let to be contented sa mga bagay na meron tayo. To top it all, dont forget na may dyos tayo na mas malaki pa sa mga problema natin. He will be always in the middle of our struggles at di nya tayo pababayaan.

    God bless and more blessing sayo this year!

  4. a heartfelt post. i was surfing the net, blog hopping as usual just to find some inspiration for my next blog post and then I stumbled upon your blog. i like what you said in the second to the last paragraph, nakakarelate ako.

    have a nice day!

  5. keep that attitude. huwag na magreklamo, be happy nalang kung ano man ang situation mo ngayon. Accept. God never gives difficult times when He knows you can't do it. meaning to say, kaya mo yan. (: