Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Down So Long

I was lying in bed, my head looking straight up to the white painted ceiling of my hotel room, my thoughts brought me back to the day I arrived in Kish. It was late, the moon was shining at a quarter's away from its full glory, coldness was chilling even the shadows of the trees swaying in the gentle winds, there's hardly no one on the streets, the dimmed lights emanating from the rusty lamp posts were reflecting on the stagnant water on the rough road left un dried after the morning drizzle. The sky was painted with a grayish hue, like a huge canvass with nothing but the moon smiling on its stillness. It's been 33 other nights since then.

I was looking straight up to the white painted ceiling of my hotel room. I was imagining a huge chandelier in graduating cylindrical layers adorned with ornamented crystals and flame shaped bulbs hanging directly above my withering countenance. On the wall facing the door, a rectangular portrait featuring a tapestry of meaningless color mixtures is giving contrast to the snowy linen vertical pavement. The view on the other side of the two panel sliding window is deterred by the grand purple double curtains resembling those gilding windows of medieval castles and renaissance mansions. Right to the door, before the window was a four door closet made of thickly varnished maroon Elwood whose intricate carvings of flowers, leaves and seeds dictate its master's fine craftsmanship. The bed I was lying in was as soft as clouds, good enough for two people to share. Underneath the thick feathery feel blanket, I was playing with love wrestling with each other's feet. There was total darkness though. Then I opened my eyes, I was looking straight up to the white painted ceiling of my hotel room. It's been 33 other nights since I have been making love with this steel framed single foam bed. It's been 33 days since I have unwillingly imprisoned myself in this lifeless little hotel room.

I was lying in bed, my eyes opened. I was looking straight up to the white painted ceiling of my hotel room. I was feeling my heart beating. Carefully. I was trying to locate where the pain was originating. Lately, I have been accompanied by nightly fever, relentless headaches and a padded feeling at the back of my neck; my throat was swelling as well. The worries, the anxieties, the pains and the stress were making my night's day and I could not sleep as they mercilessly kept me an unsolicited company. In a place and at a time that I was so all alone and getting sick wasn’t an option, unluckily I was able to get one. It's been 33 days since I arrived here hopefully and now I was lying in my head, my eyes opened and feeling miserably, helplessly ad hopelessly.

I was lying in bed, my eyes closed. There was darkness all over and I could no longer see the white painted ceiling of my hotel room. My thought brought me back to the day I would get myself out of Kish. I was imagining myself saying goodbye to anonymity and seeing my friends again, visiting the places where I used to spend my idle hours and eating my favorite sinigang na baboy aside from the perennial chicken and beef. I was rushing in the morning doing my tie, I was late again for work. Then my whole day was expensed finishing endless office assignments. It was fun and anticipating though, it was a weekend, so the night was becoming alive in hours. Then I opened my eyes, it was another morning in Kish, back to reality. I got out of the bed to get a free breakfast.


  1. Kapag may mga pangyayaring medyo hindi kaayaaya sa atin, doon daw madalas sumusulpot ang mga magaganda at makabuluhang bagay nang 'di inaasahan. Who knows, baka madiskubre ka ng mga publishers dyan? Kita mo ngayon, ang dami mong nasusulat para rito sa blog mo.

    Good luck, at huwag kalimutang magdasal palagi.

    [Sarap palang higaan ang kama ng hotel mo dyan! Wow! Sigurado maraming pwedeng maka-share sa kama dyan sa Kish. Problema nga pala ang culture at traditons nila. Whew!]

  2. i wish for you to be able to get back soon. i know how tough life is out there.. been there, done that already yun nga lang hindi kasing tagal ng stay mo dyan. im also worried, cos i gotta make my own exit na rin before january ends. i hope everything will be alright and i hope youll be able to get back here in dubai soon. ill include you in my prayers and like what Doc RJ said, "huwag kalilimutang magdasal." prayers really do help.

    God bless you...

  3. napadaan po . nakikibasa. Parang ang lungkot nyo dyan. Dasal na lang po lagi

  4. hi kapatid...

    paadd naman po sa blog roll



    salamat ng marami

    pafollow na rin ng blog... na follow ko na iyo...


  5. I can't contain the frustrations and depressions that I, myself feel seing you in this state. I've been longing and anticipating to hear those 'it's finally over' words. I've been really praying, wishing and hoping that life would treat you fairly.

    I know this is no place for drama but I just want you to know you're not alone. We're still here for you- you're friends.

    Crash and Burn
    Sung by Savage Garden

    When you feel all alone
    And the world has turned its back on you
    Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
    I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
    Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
    When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

    Let me be the one you call
    If you jump Ill break your fall
    Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
    If you need to fall apart
    I can mend a broken heart
    If you need to crash then crash and burn
    Youre not alone

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  7. Uy! Nandito pala, may reply ka pala rito sa akin saying bumalik ka na sa Dubai January 22 pa. Whew! Hindi ko nabasa, bro. Sorry. =,{