Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mother and Son

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best,
but his mother the longest
- Irish proverb

I have written so many things about myself and my experiences, but nothing about the one true person who gave me my life, my mother. Guess this is already long overdue and in celebration of mother's day and her upcoming birthday this 23rd of July, I am writing this to share with you my relationship with my mother and the many things I adore about her .

This could very well be one of the hardest subject that I would be talking about. Ironic, isn’t it? This is supposed to be easy because we all know our respective mothers by heart she having been involved in almost all of our activities since birth up to day we decide to live on our own. But where is the reluctance coming? I was born introvert. But nonetheless, I love my mother and I don’t have to tell it for her to know that I do. Actions speak louder than words.

Among all my siblings, I resembled more of my mother, her skin color, her fingernails, her eyes and her domestication. She’s simple, humble, amiable and pretty much contented with what she has, she’s not the grand type, she’s wise and practical. She and my father had a quick and cute love story but that’s another story to tell, this is just about her. We are eight in the family and though we have not been raised in a well-off setting, my mother has always instilled in us the essentials of positively oriented values and no self-serving attitudes. That’s one thing I admired and loved of her.

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Terri Guillemets

My mother loves us. But I would certainly say that among all her children, she loves me the most. And why not, since little, I have made her felt how it is to have the best son in the world, soft spoken, quiet, smart, industrious, obedient and respectful. I have never badmouthed my mother. I have never lied to her. I have never complained about anything to my mother, I knew from the start what she could afford to give us and I should never asked beyond what she’s capable of giving. I have not given her any headaches and heartaches. I have only shared to her all the good news while I have kept all the bad things, my sufferings, heartaches and frustrations to myself. I didn’t want to fail her that’s why. With all our problems and the possibilities that life could never be better, I just wanted to give her an assurance and hope that someday life would be as rewarding and better for all of us. I have made her believed that I was perfect.

And so she had never asked. How is it going? How’s school? Are there any problems? Do you need anything? Are you ok? I have taken all the burdens and the feeling of so being so alone, so desolate, so wanting, so desperate and so on. That’s how I love her. I didn’t want her to feel that I am someone to worry about. That I am strong and almost, that I am not human, who never get tired, never get sick and never get hurt.

So she was happy with all my achievements from the very beginning. The honors and recognitions, the inherent creativity and the good boy character. I have separated myself from the outside world, sometimes even from her. But still, she’s my inspiration. All my grand plans are for her and for my family. I have even sacrificed my true love for the arts so that I could take a course that would give me a better paying job right after. When I graduated from college, after so many years of unseen hardships, she walked upstage for the first time to hand me my medal. She’s not used to doing that, during my elementary days, it was my father who always escorted me. This time, it was all her turn and I was happy for her, though a little part of me just couldn’t be tamed that at last It was finished and I did it all by myself. Bitter sweet , that was.

When I started working, I gave her half of my first salary ( she bought a rice cooker with that). When I worked with San Miguel Corp., everybody thought I have gone big time. So did she. The financial requirement has increased accordingly, but I have never complained and said it was too much. There were times it’s too much but as I always do, I made up for it, sometimes I would borrow from friends, used my credit cards or made adjustments with my own personal spending. I could never have the guts to say that it’s too much, that I couldn’t, that it’s killing me. Sometimes it made me cried to be so overburdened and torn to pieces, but at the end of the day, I realized that it wasn’t useless and vain after all. That’s what I have wanted anyway, to help.

From small things to the big ones, I have provided for my family through my mother. I always gave her the money, for bills, groceries, school fees, loan repayments, house construction, store merchandise and every possible things that I could bring from where I would come from, bonuses, pasalubong, take outs, gifts etc. All the news, all the decisions I have made in life, she had known it first. When I passed the board exam, when I got a job, when I resigned from my job, when I would be going to work abroad, when I decided to go back to the Philippines, when I decided to go back to Dubai and when I finally got another job in Dubai. I believe she deserved to know it first before the others not only because she is my mother but because she’s my number fan and she prayed for me.

She just know exactly how to take care of me, how to please me and not how to piss me off. She knows that I hate noisy children, that I dislike the Kapuso channel, that I terribly love saluyot and labong, that I disgust my brother-in-law and that I l enjoy watching movies. Whenever I would be sick, she’d always be there and so worried. She prepared all my clothes. When I was still in the Philippines, every time I would go to Manila on Mondays early mornings, she would always take me to the bus station and would only left once the bus left the terminal. She’s making sure that I get the bus right on time.

You taught me everything and everything you've given me .
I'll always keep it inside. You're the driving force in my life ..

When I left for Dubai, I saw her cried in unbearable sadness. My mother took me to the bus station with my father, there she hugged me for the very first time in my life, oh well that’s as far as I can remember. It was so tight while she kept on telling me to take care of myself. when I got inside the bus, I took a seat near the window so that I they could still see me. She was looking at me like I was a befallen angel. She never took her eyes off me as tears incessantly fell down her eyes. I was trying not to look back, because the other passengers were looking. Said it’s funny. It’s embarrasing. But deep inside, it’s breaking my heart, too. When the bus started to stride forward, she waived her hands at me but I never waived back. She was looking at me crying her last tears goodbye, the bus got further away and I gave my last look at my mother. She was being embraced by my father as the bus went out of her sight. Ten minutes down the road, as I was taking a last look at city where I grew up, I realized that I was really leaving home. Unstoppably, my tears fell heavily at once, I was going to miss the city, I was going to miss my mother.

When I returned from Dubai after a not so fruitful months of employment, she was happy than sorry to see me back. For a few months that I have stayed away from her, nothing much has changed about her. She ‘s still understanding, hard working and very dependable. When I told her my plans of going back to Dubai, she seconded without questions. She made a loan from a bank with our land title as collateral. She hardly went outside but she did in order to secure the proceeds as early as possible. Now that I already got a job, I guarantee that I will be of help to her and to my family. With all the love and sacrifice she has made for me, who wouldn’t be inspired?

Me and my mother are bonded by an invisible ties which don’t need to be shown to people just to let them know that we ‘re okay. We may not be as expressive as others do but we know deep in our hearts how much we need and love each other. As long as I live, I will protect her and give her everything she needs, no matter what it takes. It’s my own way of showing her how thankful I am for giving me this life and for all the love and care she accorded me from the very first time I breathed in this cruel world.



1 comment:

  1. happy mother's day to your mom and to all mothers. YOU ARE LOVED! :)