Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Love the Way You Lie

“People who love only once in their lives are shallow people.
What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity,
I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.”

Mothers, legal wives and family advocates surely won't spare a second thought hating Oscar Wilde for the above mockery of thrust and true love. On the other hand, bitches and mistresses must be proud for they have found an ally in making this world a little more indignified and justifying that love knows no boundaries - even if it means breaking a family and leaving the innocent children parentless for most of their lives. The perennial struggle between the good wife (husband) versus the other woman ( man) - unlike the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening, isn't something unstoppable. It only takes a little feeling that what is morally right, in the end will save your conscience clean than just what's physically engaging.

Bet many of you have already seen that video in Youtube about the scandalous confrontation of wife and her man's alleged mistress supposedly in Market!Market! The viral video, timely and entertainig as it is for Filipinos, was even picked up by major news and have solicited mixed reactions from various society groups. What happened was a violent, shameful and emotionally injurious attack and unless you have been through the same ordeals (wife) or pleasure (other woman), it will never be fair to exact judgement on either parties. This issue trascends beyond good manners and suffice to say, there's really no clear winner in this game touted to be the most damaging form of stealing.

In Facebook, this same video was posted by one of my friends. As a guy, naturally, I would side on the guy and I even commented that the nagging attitude and appearance of the wife probably has what prompted the guy to look for another. My comments, intended as funny, has generated some back comments from people who champions family and thoughts of forever after. They said if I viewed marriage as something one could get out anytime when he feels unhappy about it, then I shouldn't get married in the first place because I'll just add casualty to the ever increasing count of failed marriages due to somone losing faith and disrespecting the sanctity of vows. IT HURTS because it's true and man knows how to retrack and give apology.

In Dubai and in many places where Filipinos work away from their families, infidelity is a favorite past time among kabayans, gentlemen and ladies as well. It's like a marketplace where sellers and buyers meet, bargain and eventually make a deal called relationships. Payment can be made in the form of food, clothes, shelter, transportation, money allowance or plain and casual gratification of the calling of our physical selves. It doesn't matter the age, the appearance and oftentimes what other people will say, this place has become a paradise where some people have forgotten their character, their responsibilites and maybe, their love for their families. Or maybe it's the opposite. Just maybe.

Being far away from family is a difficult task all OFW's face. For married individuals with wife/husband and children left behind, the sacrifice is twice as much as the anticipation and longing. Hence, when temptation comes knocking at its boldest form, usually as cheap and free, it becomes hard to resist, not even for the good guys. There are desires to fulfill and sometimes pockets to fill. I used to understand why men sometimes takes a sudden left turn in a supposed to be straight journey but now I realized I ain't helping. If I would be a kid and my parents would separate simply because my father abandoned us for another woman while he's working abroad, that's gonna be a sad thing to happen. I'd be very sorry and bet you all do that if we could do anything from preventing such thing to happen, we should without hesitation.

Too bad sometimes, the frequent occurrence of adultery overseas overshadows the real essence why Filipinos come to work abroad. The perception is difficult to dispel because it's actually happening at every corner, in the same office, in the same boarding house, in the same group of acquaintances. Dubai has indeed become a city of saints and sinners. Saints for those who work hard to provide for their families and sinners for those who find lust or love at inappropriate time. Whatever motivates this kind of relationship to bloom, it is not our right to know, it is somebody else's. But one thing is certain, at the other side of the coin, someone is getting stabbed at the back of their heads, someone has the right to be hurt and ultimately, something so precious is on the verge of being broken apart - family.

The issue here is less of law or vows. It's all about honesty and trust. You can never force someone to love someone they don't love anymore but there's a way at least do it rightly and legally. Well, what Oscar Wilde quoted isn’t always despicable, the more love you had in your life, the better person you should have become. But once you're in for the real one, as promised before God, don't just sneak out like you want to dine in at the fast-food restaurant. If you only want to take something fresh because no one's going to cook you diner, just be a little careful not to bite your own tongue, as someone out there might be thinking about you, hoping you think of them in the same way they do.


  1. it's true. happy new year duboy

  2. A family-focused- engineer-flatmate once said that he pities OFWs who commit adultery because most of the times they do it for money.

    I just had a chat recently with an Ate who used to earn AED650 who had an affair with another married Filipino man years back, to save on rent and living expenses. The man, on the other hand, needs a yaya to prepare his food and do his laundry while his wife is back home.

  3. @kiko

    thanks kiks! happy new year to you too and congrats sa yong PEBA awards!

  4. @Gremliness

    thats the sad truth, this kind of relationship exists kasi parehong nakikinabang, nag gagamitan ba. hindi akmang manisi, another proof na mahirap maging OFW.

  5. A perfect concoction for being unfaithful the ingredients of which are ALL found in Dubai :a willing partner who wants to temporarily find solution to that pleasurable itch, wife/husband doesn't have an inkling on the relationship as she/he is thousands of miles away, and friends who just shrug off such occurences as being "normal" in Dubai. Thanks for this article which sheds light to infidelity by pinoys in a foreign land.

  6. this post is write well. will come back to read some more later.

  7. @marvin

    thanks kabayan,

    mabuhay ang novo ecijanos hehehe

  8. @Anonymous

    you are very much correct, talo talo na! at sa mga di kasali pero nakakaalam, parang wala na lang, parang mga silent accomplice na lang ang labas..normal na nga siguro tingin nila don.