Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Forgiven & Forgotten

I have always marveled at people who could forgive and forget; those who could forgive and essentially move on out of the pains like they had never been hurt. In all of my human abilities, I believe that this is one that I am totally weak to do so. For the adage in my nerves has always been "forgive but never forget". That is what it pays to be gifted with very good memories, not that I remember more, only that I don't forget much.

As is typical, things that happened, especially the painful ones of any origins, is logged in a wrinkle in my brains where it lays dormant, waiting for the moment of necessary recall to strike. I can let go of things, get passed certain frustrations or pains, get on with my life and be happy, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten the disappointment in someone or the pain they've caused. Somewhere along, I still feel the twinge of sadness or anger that the offense has left behind, I have just moved on.

I have heard stories of people who became good friends with people who have caused them pain saying that they have forgiven them for all their transgressions and offenses. I nod in disagreement. Perhaps I'm too old, set in my ways, or immature, but that makes no sense to me. Maybe they're just lying. It all seems like they are deluding themselves. Maybe it will be easier to say you've forgiven the wrongdoer, to ease the other person's guilt and to end the discussion and move on separately with your lives.

Either way, as I've stated above, I'm not good at forgiveness in its truest sense. Mention a past hurt and the ache of disappointment will swell once again, though thankfully not to the level of the original moment, but still. So, perhaps another adage is more correct: Time heals all wounds. Well, I don't think it heals; it just puts a lot of new memories in to fill the gaps and soften the shock and power of the bad ones.

Anyway, this is what I've been mulling over lately. And I realized in the middle of things that's going around me that it's time to let go. I could never be forgiven for all my indifference and offenses unless I myself have learned to let all my hurts and pains go with the wind. I could never achieve genuine peace if I live with hatred. Forgive? sounds good. Forget? Best idea. I wish us all peace.


  1. forgiveness, like love have been used and abused that they lost their true meanings..

    i know what the bible say that we must forgive 77 times a day or there abouts...but really how impossible when the people who hurt us don't even ask for forgiveness?..they go on their merry way as if nothing happened....and if we expect them to be sorry, we go on suffering because most of the time they only say sorry so they can continue to be around really, we end up clinging on to the pain...

    in my case, i decided not to forget and not to others it may sound arrogant.. but the only person i forgive is myself for allowing myself to be in the presence of those whose ambitions in life is to belittle me and to bring me down...

    to my mind, forgiving others who brought me pain means clinging on to the pain..that is not how i want to spend the rest of my life with...take care of you..oxoxo..

  2. It is really difficult to extend the leaf of forgiveness to others... because forgiveness is a gift from God, it takes faith to forgive and forget.

    The power of forgiveness starts from our heart, faith grants an opportunity to free you of pain and anger that has built up over time.

    Forgiveness moves you from focusing on a past hurt into the present. You may not forget the hurtful event, but you can move on with your life.

    And I think probably it’s our lack of compassion with ourselves that makes us so upset with others and the same reason that's why we cannot let got of the past.

    Forgiveness is a virtue and it needs faith have it practiced.

    God bless.

  3. Napaisip tuloy ako, kaya siguro God allows dementia to conquer the cerebrum of a human's brain because many of us can forgive but can never forget...

  4. Kuya George (the pope) said it all. it really takes a great amount of faith to forgive coupled with so much time to heal the pain...

    i wish you find a space in your heart to truly forgive and enjoy all the best that life is offering you!

  5. When we were young, we were thought by our parents how to forgive.

    When we were young, we can easily forgive and forget as well.

    Why? Because we were not yet exposed to the world's reality.

    Ngayong medyo may katandaan na tayo at marami nang alam sa mundo medyo mahirap na sa atin to forgive and to forget. Kasi alam na natin kung paano masaktan.

    Kahit ako, kung ako yong nasa sitwasyon mo, hindi ko rin patatawarin ang hinayupak na yan na walang ibang ginawa kundi puro paninira..

  6. first of all, congratulations for being a finalist to Philippine Blog Awards! i'm so proud and happy for you! (nakikisaya naman ako sa kasiyahan mo, nde lang halata)

    back to your post 'forgiven not forgotten', naalala ko ang lagi kong sinasabi sa inyo ni XXX (name withheld) pag nag-aasaran tayo noon galing sa work- "wag na wag ninyo akong aawayin kasi ako nagtatanim ng sama ng loob". nde din madali sa akin ang magpatawad at lumimot sa mga taong nakasakit talaga sa akin. usually sila ang mga taong naging close ko talaga, mga kaibigan, mga importanteng tao sa buhay ko. sa aking karanasan, natutunan ko na madali lang ang magpatawad at lumimot pag matibay ang pundasyon ng isang samahan. isa lang itong simpleng pagsubok.

    seryoso, umaasa ako na sana pagsubok lng ang nangyari. nae-excite ako sa isipin na pwedi pa rin tayong magsama-sama sa isang lugar just like the good old times! nakaka-miss! :-(

    cia, baka maiyak pa ako dito. basta paalala lagi, wag naman nating kalimutan ang ating pinagsamahan. Kay XXX, kung mabasa mo man ito, tawagan/email mo ako at pag-usapan natin ito..hehe. UMAYOS KAYO! :-)

    -isang kaibigan-

  7. @ hazelvee: i understand your sentiment. the world and people can be harsh at times that soemtimes that forgivng and forgetting is no longer thr right thing to do. theyll just do that plastically for some untrue purpose.

    lets just bank some more happy memories with our present life and soon all tose hurt and pains will be oustacked by the joyful feelings we well share and have with our families today and in the coming days.

  8. @ pope: sana nga pope i could find that faith and courage to do not just forgive but also move on with my life like nothing has ever happened.

    @ rj: siguro nga and i know marami pa jan ang mas worst ang case. well lets see maybe tomorrow maybe next time i could learn to let it all go and be nice .

    @ azel: thanks azel. sometimes i get to think about that. can you really be happy in life if you hold some grudges and pains towards some people who have hurt you before. kaya naman pero parang may tinik sa dibdib. yeah tama ka, kelangan ng maraming faith para mawala lahat. in time.

  9. @ ruel: kung bata lang siguro nga tayo. napakadaling magpatawad sa mga taong nagkasala sa atin. pero sadly malalaki na tayo and we know xactly where the pain is coming and why, so mahirap mejo kalimutan na alng basta basta.

    talking about this gay bitch thats messing up my name. well he go to hell and i wont let a single ounce of forgiveness accorded to him.

  10. ako man before ay ganyan, lahat ng mga nakasamaan ko ng loob and lahat ng mga taong nagbigay sa akin ng sakit at hinanakit ay laging nakatanim sa puso ko ung galit and kung paano ko sila magagantihan.

    pero i reverted to something positive, naging pananaw ko sa buhay to strive harder in life and show them that am growing and making my life better with the help of my family and other friends. sil rin ung nakapagpa move on sa akin para maging mas maayos pa ang buhay ko. i've been to so many pains in life and marami na rin akong nakasalamuhang tao pero i never regret meeting and being with them kasi they added spice to my life and made improvements in my personality and honed my character.

    and based on my experience, ung mga galit ko sa ibang tao parang siya rin ung negative vibrations na nakakaapekto sa pang-araw araw kong pamumuhay. kaya kung sakaling me kagalit or kinaiinisan man akong tao, tinatanggal ko na agad siya sa sistema ko and i really wanted to attract positive energies. kung anjan mas siya, good luck sa kaniya pero, in due time din naman e mawawala ang galit na un, and that's part of growing up, di natin pwedeng sabihin na ung sobrang kinaiinisan nating tao e di na natin magiging mabuting kaibigan in the near future, no one can tell what's in store for us few years from now.

    to tell u frankly, the people i hated the most in my lifetime sila ang mga true and real friends ko now, kasi alam na namin ung limitations namin. i am not saying na gawin mo what i did, pero malalaman mo yan as days will pass. pero nasa iyo naman iyan if you will still cling to hatred that will make you suffer more kasi anjan siya lagi umuukilkil sa mind mo and brings back the memories of pain he had caused whenever you think of him, or forgive and be happy and take it as a learning experience in life.

    pero nasa sa iyo iyan, kung ano ang makakapagpasaya and makakabuti sa iyo, ikaw ang pipili at gagawa ng gusto mo sa buhay mo.

    but don't deal with too much hatred as it caused too much pain also. learn how to forgive and you will see the difference.

    ciao and be happy