Never Say No

My sister texted me yesterday. How sweet noh?! But wait, she didn’t text to say hi or how I am, or to thank me for my last padala. Text from the Philippines is quite expensive so she cut it off, she needed three thousand pesos for a project she's doing in school. "Fine" I said, I'd send right away. So I did. After, I called her to give the reference number and she thanked me. I smiled and I said to myself, I don’t need to be thanked. As an OFW, I am believed to have lots of money, though the inside of my wallet, the place where I live, the roads that I walk, the food that I eat and the way I spend my weekend would say something else.

Never say no. that’s probably the motto OFWs like me have come to breathe and live in as far as family back home is concerned. Whatever they need, whenever they ask, however they want, we try hard to provide and fulfill every promises and every hope in as much as we can. When sometimes it requires going beyond our capacities, we still make up ways not to frustrate and upset our beloved. Though it means we need to swipe that card, borrow from friends, avail of company loans, sell personal properties or engage in extra sidelines, we are more willing to do that so we could be that ever dependable anak, kuya, tito, kaibigan at kapitbahay.

It hurts sometimes when we are too misconceived. They think that when someone left the country to work abroad, success is a guarantee. It may or may not be, but whatever happens, we cling on to our missions and sanguine that the next time will be better. Yeah, we are heroes, but not super ones. Hence, we have limitations and inabilities that oftentimes we conceal beneath our tears and under the pillows when we sleep at night.

I counted the change in my wallet when I arrived home, it's enough to last till the next payday, only I just have to take meals twice a day and spend nothing else for other things, not even for a piece of toblerone that I terribly love to grind. But I am not saying these to make someone feel guilty or to solicit any form of pity. I love to be of help to my family, and that’s basically the reason why I am here working far from them, away from friends and bare of a comfortable life that I want my loved ones to have.

Actually I can say no. But I have chosen never to say it. More than a motto, I have come to love and live with it, like a destiny, a bitter sweet destiny.